A few weeks ago I had lunch with an old friend of mine. We don’t see each other as much as I like. Kids, jobs, and husbands seem to keep us both so busy. But when I do see her, we always have the most interesting conversations.
We talked about how as we’re both around the hub of 40, our approach to friendship is different. When I was younger, I let me friends choose me. But now, I choose my friends.
When I was younger, I had great friends – but I also had a few who did not treat me right. It was hard to get out of the friendships. Now, I have all great friends.
This evolution occurred in both my friend and I. It happened to each of us separate from the other, so I’ve been wondering if it’s a common experience. Have any of you gone through this?
3 comments:
Definitely. I have chosen not to cultivate friendships with some acquaintances because I don't need the drama. I see them sometimes because we have friends in common, and I can get along with them just fine at group functions, but I don't have the slightest interest in being closer to them. I also have superficial Facebook friendships with a few people because it's more work to exclude them than to include them, but I don't reach out to them a lot and don't worry about whether that upsets them.
Absolutely. I think it's part of my own growing confidence that comes with adulthood and finally shedding that "beggars can't be choosers" approach to friendship I used to have.
I think as we mature we tend to seek out people we have more in common with, and can get along with. I know in high school there were girls I hung out with because they were "part of the group" but I ordinarily wouldn't have sought them out. When you're younger (well, even now) it takes a strong person to tell that mean girl to back off and treat me right (or treat others right). At this point in life, I don't have time for any drama but my own (which thankfully, is not any huge amount) and it's too draining to deal with someone on a going basis who always has Major Issues to solve. That's not to say you can't be a supportive friend during an illness/divorce/job loss/etc., but there's a difference between that and the ongoing interpersonal crap that some people can't seem to live without.
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